I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
