The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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