if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
