The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
