My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
