Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
