ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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