I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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