So drunk its hurt
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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