You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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