She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
