my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You're like the curious george of whores
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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