paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
