I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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