I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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