So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
