Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
