He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
