I'm really into asian looking animals
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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