I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
