If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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