i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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