You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
