It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize