Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
