Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
