Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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