If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
