Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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