I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
