So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize