Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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