I wanna passion pit in your ass
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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