I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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