New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
