last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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