I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
