Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
