yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
