woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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