I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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