he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
