i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
