Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
