Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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