i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
