3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
