Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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