shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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