did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
