It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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