Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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