all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
