Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize