I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
