so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You ruined the universe
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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