now i know why i became what i already was.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
