he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
