I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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