No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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