As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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