she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
