i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
