please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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