I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
