Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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