We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
