Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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