I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
