Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
