I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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