worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize