i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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