I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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