Your dad touched me again.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
