our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
