I can text with my tongue
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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