dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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