I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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