thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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