Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
