My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
