I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
