everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
