Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
