Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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