i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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