I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
