If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Is Oprah even human
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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