I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
